


Tomohisa Sees the World

by AniseTokunaga



Category: B-PROJECT 鼓動＊アンビシャス | B-PROJECT: Kodou Ambitious
Genre: Alcohol, Bad Jokes, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, M/M, Memes, Mpreg, Nosebleed, Out of Character, but it doesn't matter, but not really Mpreg, i'm just stupid, pretty much every character is mentioned - Freeform, the maury show but it's the mari show
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-25
Updated: 2019-08-27
Packaged: 2020-09-26 17:22:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,195
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20393362
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AniseTokunaga/pseuds/AniseTokunaga
Summary: There were a couple of things Ryuji knew about Tomohisa that perhaps others were not aware of.One, he was born with underwear on. Tomohisa has been neither completely naked nor completely clothed at any given time prior to becoming a professional idol. He learned this the hard way.Two, he was modern technology illiterate.





	1. Crystal Light

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "There were a couple of things Ryuji knew about Tomohisa that perhaps others were not aware of."
> 
> In which Tomohisa sees the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is all just pure crack fanfiction because my younger sibling made me like b project and i like to torture them by making bad and/or cringey content
> 
> there will be a second chapter with mpreg for no reason but at least i will be a decent person and tag it
> 
> also, let me know if i should change the rating, idk, no one is gonna read this but like

There were a couple of things Ryuji knew about Tomohisa that perhaps others were not aware of.

One, he was born with underwear on. Tomohisa has been neither completely naked nor completely clothed at any given time prior to becoming a professional idol. He learned this the hard way.

Two, he was modern technology illiterate.

These are the things that bring Ryuji to where he is today: sitting at the apartment while Tomohisa packs a bag with Lucas, MooNs' android assistant, perched upon his shoulder. It was as though Lucas was a bird, and Tomohisa talks to him while he shoves extra packs of Crystal Light (strawberry kiwi flavor) in his suitcase. Ryuji has no words, but he tries to asses the situation.

"Why is Lucas with you? Won't everyone be locked out of their apartment?"

"We have that arranged."

"...Where are you going to go?"

Tomohisa just smiles and pets Lucas's "head". Then, as an afterthought, he says softly, "We're going to discover the world together."

Ryuji doesn't want to know.

* * *

It takes several hours to get where he needs to go. Tomohisa only has one day, but he knows its sufficient enough to see what he wants to see. He secures his small suitcase to the back of Stephanie (his beautiful, wonderful horse) and straddles himself onto her back.

"Lucas, are you ready to see what life has to offer?"

"Unfortunately I do not have eyes. But I can assist you in whatever you need to find," Lucas replies.

"Please give me directions to the nearest bar, Lucas."

The sun is already setting, but Tomohisa and his trusty companion ride down the meadow and into the city, Stephanie galloping at full speed. It doesn't matter if there are people in the way; they move lest the be hit by the prince's majestic beast. It doesn't matter if they recognize his face, or if the cops are called; they cannot stop him.

"Your destination will be on the right," Lucas calls, and Tomohisa gets Stephanie to stop at a screeching halt. A policeman walks up to them.

"Sir," he says angrily. "You are not permitted to ride your horse within the city limits! Please dismount yourself from your horse immediately."

Tomohisa slinks off Stephanie's back. Suddenly, he's running up to the cop, and grasps his hands, tears in his eyes. "Please, sir… Today is the only chance I have. I need to see the world." Perhaps it's his charm, the way his white lashes sparkle in the city lights. It could be that he's so close to his face, or maybe it's the urgency in his voice or possibly all of those things combined, but the policeman blushes and swallows hard.

"B-but still… I cannot allow this horse to stay within city limits."

"Stephanie will bring me home! This will take less than an hour, I promise," Tomohisa cries out. "If she is not allowed with me, then please… take her home or hold onto her for me, just for this hour."

Tomohisa starts to walk away.

"Sir!! Your horse! I don't even know who you are! Sir! Wait!!"

It's too late because Tomohisa has his suitcase and is already in the bar.

* * *

The first step, as seeing the world always starts with, is to get as drunk as possible. When he walks up to the bar, he's surprised to see Kento as the bartender. "Tomo?" he says, flabbergasted.

"Kento!" he exclaims, equally as confused. "I didn't you that you were a bartender."

"It's a secret," he mutters. "So don't tell anyone, okay?" He puts a finger to his lips. "Not to mention I'm not sure if this is legal, so as far as we're concerned, I am not 'Kento'. I have no idea who that is. I'm Ai Mikaze. See." As to somehow make a point, he emphasizes the part of his hair to one side and tries to put up a small ponytail. Tomohisa has no idea what this means at all.

"Alright, I understand," he says seriously, then slams both of his open palms on the bar counter. "Now, Ai-kun… Give me a tall glass of the strongest drink you can make, stat."

"Ai-kun" returns Tomohisa's serious look with one full of concern. "Are you sure about this? I've only served it once before and it almost killed the man I served it to."

Tomohisa senses his hesitation, but he is having none of that. He slaps the counter again, gripping at the surface with enough force to piss off the customers on either side of him. "Make it something nasty. _Onegaishimasu_."

"Ai-kun" says nothing back. With his lips pursued, he reaches underneath the counter and pulls up what looks like a cooler with a dispenser attached to it. He grabs a shot glass and lifts the nozzle to release the liquid…

...but Tomohisa doesn't see any liquid released. "Ai-kun" passes Tomohisa the shot glass, and before he can retort, "Ai-kun" says with a powerful force in his voice, "Do it. Take the shot."

It's almost like he's possessed because he's immediately taking the glass and pressing it to lips. Tosses it back like a pro, he doesn't even feel anything go down his throat but then it immediately it feels like it fucked him right in the brain with the first dildo he used back in highschool.

Wait, what?

He slams the shot glass down. "Make this one a double."

"Ai-kun" looks honestly terrified but he still passes Tomohisa another shot, which he downs in less than a second. He wipes his lips on the back of his hand even though there isn't any liquid to wipe off. "Ai-kun" looks like he's about to ask him something, but instead Tomohisa licks his lips and starts unbuttoning his shirt. "Hey," he groans, sensually, making everyone infinitely uncomfortable. "Wanna snort these Crystal Light packets with me?"

He slams his suitcase on the counter, shattering whatever glasses are in his way, but it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter if no one replies, he gets the packets and rips them open with his teeth, making uncomfortable eye contact with "Ai-kun" all the while. It doesn't even matter, nothing does, it's just him, one of his friends, and Crystal Light in neat lines on top of glass shards, glittering, enticing. He ducks down, face pressed against the cold wood, and sniffs as hard as he can, moaning loudly as the taste of strawberry kiwi fills his nose, his lungs, followed by the sharp smell of iron, blood now dripping down his face.

Then, suddenly composing himself, Tomohisa pushes his bangs back, smiling and sighing. "Ah, that's more like it. I have to go to Denny's now. I'll see you tomorrow."

Tomohisa reaches down the front of his pants, producing a lot of scandalous gasps from those around him, including a shocked "Ai-kun" who hasn't moved since he poured the second shot. A small bit of relief washes over them as Tomohisa produces crisp ¥10,000 notes out of his drawers, almost as if they were printed there, and he slides them towards "Ai-kun" before sauntering outside.

The policeman is still there. Even though blood is dripping down his face, getting into his mouth, he smiles at the officer like nothing is wrong and gets back on Stephanie. "Thank you for watching my horse, sir," Tomohisa says politely. "Now then… Lucas, take us to the nearest Denny's."

"Huh… huh?! Sir, come back! Sir, this is a violation of the law! C-come back! Wait! Waaait!!"

But it doesn't matter. Nothing does. Nothing can beat the feeling of the wind in his hair, blowing against his exposed chest as he rides towards the Denny's parking lot, flavors of blood and strawberry swirling on his tongue.

* * *

It's cold and quiet, and very dark. Tomohisa groans softly, trying to open his eyes. It feels like his eyelids are weighted, so it takes him a minute or two to regain his sight. He feels like he's pinned down, and he realizes passively that he's completely naked and Ryuji and Kazuna are curled up underneath both of his arms. What happened last night..?

Oh, right. He saw the world last night, or at least, he's sure he probably did judging by his current condition. He recognizes his surroundings as Stephanie's stable, in which he sighs in relief. At least he doesn't have to worry about his horse's whereabouts. He's a little bit worried by the fact that the only thing covering them are Denny's menus, and not paper copies, mind you. The laminate feels bad on his sweaty skin, so he stirs a bit in hopes that his friends (boyfriends?) wake up.

Ryuji wakes up. He can tell by the way he moves subtly in the sleepy way he always does. He lifts his head and looks Tomohisa in the eyes. It's quiet, soft, and Tomohisa smiles down at him.

There's only one thing that needs to be said.

"...You should have told me you were going to Denny's in the first place, you idiot."

Tomohisa saw the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here is a bad meme of tomohisa for your soul, thanks:
> 
> https://youtu.be/3X5u099o0CY


	2. Chicken Orange Fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I'm not pregnant, I'm just having a baby!"
> 
> Things take a turn after Tomohisa sees the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not beta'd, ofc, are you ready to die

It's been a day since Tomohisa woke up with Ryuji and Kazuna by his side; two days since he saw the world. All of B-Project is gathering for their schedules today. Tomohisa sits quietly, smiling to himself as he sips his tea and reads a novel in the corner of the room. Ryuji sits next to him, twiddling his thumbs and sucking on a lollipop. He waits for the others to arrive, and more importantly, Tsubasa with the new schedule! 

It's silent, quiet enough to hear a pin drop echo in the office, and then Kento walks through the door, followed by the other members of Thrive. He's screeching at the top of lungs when he spots Tomohisa.

"TOMO?! WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO YOU?"

Tomohisa lifts his head, shocked out of his pleasant reading experience. He gingerly places his tea cup on the desk in front of him. "Ah? There's nothing wrong, what do you mean?"

Behind Kento, Goushi looks absolutely mortified and Yuuta looks concerned but overall curious. Kento screams and points at Tomohisa's stomach. "Your _stomach_, Tomo! You… Are you _pregnant_?!"

Tomohisa's shirt is hiked up, exposing his belly. His stomach has grown three sizes larger than the previous day. The rest of his body hasn't changed at all; just his belly that's as round as a ball. He looks big enough to be halfway through a pregnancy, but he was completely flat yesterday.

Probably having heard the commotion from down the hall, Kazuna and Mikado come rushing into the room. Kazuna's sweating bullets, and then his eyes lock with Tomohisa and Ryuji and he nearly kneels over and faints. Mikado catches him, luckily.

"What? I'm not pregnant, I'm just having a baby!" Tomohisa says, naturally, as if that's a normal explanation. Ryuji is dangerously pale as everyone else files into the room shortly after.

From there, all panic breaks out. Kento is screaming at him, Goushi throws up and the twins have to carry him to the bathroom. Mikado has Web MD up on his phone and is suggesting various diagnostics, and Yuuta and Akane are practically playing a game of 20 Questions with the confused Tomohisa. Everyone else is generally nervous. 

The only person who doesn't seem affected is Momotarou, who's drinking a strawberry milk box and scrolling his phone. Hikaru asks, "Aren't you concerned?" in which Momo replies, "Happens sometimes." Hikaru doesn't press anymore. Miroku is absent.

Then, in a quiet voice among the chaos, Ryuji finally speaks up. "...Who's the father?"

Silence hushes over the room once more. Tomohisa looks perplexed as Ryuji and Kazuna stare at each other nervously. The three look at each other back and forth for an uncomfortable period of time. (_"Oh my god, they all boned… They had a threesome that night, oh god oh fuck," Kento mutters helplessly under his breath, yanking his hair out. Hikaru is concerned._)

"I guess there's only one way to solve this," Kazuna gulps.

Tsubasa's schedule was about to get a lot more complicated. 

* * *

_ **One week later…** _

* * *

"Weeel-come, everyone! It's '_shiny day_' today! Ah yes, hmm!! It's the _Mari Show_! Hooray!" shouts Mari Ohara, the TV show host. The crowd cheers enthusiastically, some so passionate they seem to be wearing wotagei attire. Mari chuckles. "Today we have some very important guests! They're from one of Japan's most beloved idol agencies, it's _B-Project_!" 

The crowd roars with passion.

"This may come as _'big shock!'_ for everyone, but the wonderful Tomohisa Kitakado is having a baby!"

The crowd is screeching louder.

"Come on out, Tomohisa-san!!"

Tomohisa walks out on stage, his belly so large it's a wonder he's even walking. The crowd is screaming with apprehension, love, and despair. This mix of emotions is apparent as some fans are still swooning and some seem absolutely disgusted. Tomohisa just smiles and waves, his regular princely self. He sits across from Mari Ohara in a plush blue chair.

"Oh wow! How far along are you Tomohisa-san?"

"About a week," Tomohisa says happily.

"Hmm, hmm! What's it feel like to be a pregnant man, Tomohisa-san?"

"I'm not pregnant," Tomohisa corrects. "I'm just having a baby."

"_Ahhh, mhmm, I see! Nice_," Mari says in English, nodding appreciatively. "See, everyone, he is not pregnant, he is just having a baby!"

The crowd nods back with shared enthusiasm.

"See, my guests, Tomohisa-san doesn't know who the father is!"

There's sharp scandalous gasps. A girl in the front row faints. The cameramen film her being ushered out. 

"Do you have any idea who the donor father is, Tomohisa-san?" Mari asks, as if she doesn't already know.

"Ah well, there could only be two people… My partner in Kitakore, Ryuji… or my fellow friend in MooNs… Kazuna!" Tomohisa blushes and bashfully looks away. Someone in the crowd takes a picket sign of the B-Project logo and breaks it over their head.

"What if I told you… that I have Ryuji-san and Kazuna-san here with me today?" Mari says smugly. Tomohisa turns towards the screen behind them and watches as it shows split footage of Kazuna and Ryuji backstage, waiting nervously. Tomohisa feigns a shocked gasp. "Ryuji-san, Kazuna-san… come on out!"

The two come out from either side of the stage, both looking incredibly nervous and sweaty from their usual appearances. The studio audience noise is an exciting mix of cheers and displeasure. They take seats on either side of Tomohisa. 

"It's a pleasure to have you both here," Mari says. "Now then… We've done some extended research and testing to determine who the father is. But who is it? Audience, let's watch these clips and hear your thoughts…"

The first video clip fades in. It's Ryuji, facing the camera and looking serious. "Hi, I'm Ryuji Korekuni. I think I'm the father of Tomohisa's child." There's a shot of Ryuji deep-throating a lollipop. "As a member of the Kitakore duo, it only makes sense that I am the father." The next shot is a zoom in of Ryuji's phone screen, with a picture of Tomohisa and Ryuji holding a photoshopped baby that looks like Kirby. The audience 'awws' affectionately at this. "We've been together since childhood, and that night when we made love, I felt something like I never had before." It goes back to a dramatic face shot. "It has to be me." The video fades out, the audience is breaking out into applause. A man in the front row is crying.

"Wow, that's so sentimental! Ryuji-san, that is truly touching," Mari cries, wiping away a tear. "But what does Kazuna have to say? Let's take a look."

The next video pops up, with Kazuna at a side-shot, looking determined. "I'm Kazuna Masunaga, and I am, without a doubt, the father of Tomohisa's child." The camera changes to an upward facing shot, with Kazuna looking rather gangster, even though he is wearing a sweater vest. Money is raining from the ceiling. "It doesn't matter if Ryuji thinks he's the father, I could feel it deep inside of Tomohisa when we made love… That is my child." There's a shot of him punching the wall and then leaning against it dramatically. "We were part of the Genius Brunch, we know how to work together. I may seem soft but my seed is powerful. _I_ am the father. Ryuji, watch out." The video ends with the camera facing forward, Kazuna's head raised and looking down onto the viewer. The audience seems to have mixed feelings with the threat, some booing and some just oo-ing along to the diss.

"Such confidence! Really amazing," says Mari. "But is it true? The results. Are. In!!"

Kazuna and Ryuji lock eyes angrily. Tomohisa is biting his thumb nervously while the audience is chanting loudly, and they get louder and louder when Mari opens the envelope. She clears her voice, and the audience immediately quiets down, anticipating her next line.

"When it comes to Tomohisa's baby...Ryuji-san," Mari says forcefully. "You… are _not_ the father!"

Kazuna grins and sits up, beckoning the audience to cheer. Ryuji gasps, and covers his face. The camera focuses on his face, and he starts running as he cries; the cameras follow him backstage and out into the parking lot, and Ryuji keeps running down the street, out of sight of the recording studio.

The crowd is still going wild, but Mari's not done.

"...and when it comes to Kazuna-san… you are _ALSO_ NOT THE FATHER!"

Kazuna is absolutely appalled. What?! How could that be?! Before he can even question Tomohisa, Tomohisa moans, _loudly_, and spreads his legs. 

"O-oh… oh god!" Tomohisa voice cracks, skin pale and visibly clammy. "T-the baby! It's coming!"

Everyone is in an all out panic. The security guards are having to hold back a swarm of fangirls from coming up on stage. The cameramen are trying their best to get a good shot of the action. Kazuna quickly lays Tomohisa down on the floor.

"K-kazuna, please! Help! I'm crowning!"

"What?!" Kazuna grunts, but he never gets any answer and he doesn't bother to ask anymore. He assists by ripping off Tomohisa's pants.

"_Push!! Push!!_" Mari Ohara encourages, shaking her fists. "_Ganbare!_"

Within seconds, the baby is being pushed out of Tomohisa's rectum. First the head, then the neck… Everything is suspiciously oversized, but fortunately it's going very smoothly. As Kazuna starts pulling the baby out, he realizes something. Tomohisa pushes and pushes, and more and more keeps coming out. It seems like it doesn't stop. It feels like it's been a full day when he's done, so labour intensive that Tomohisa knocks out a couple of times. _Finally_, Tomohisa pushes out the feet and he sighs loudly with relief. Kazuna stays absolutely quiet, shocked and unable to say anything at all. Mari pushes Kazuna away and cuts away what looks to be an umbilical cord.

It's hard to be sure because Miroku was born wearing underwear.

"Congratulations! You gave birth to a Miroku Shingari! _Shiny_!"

Mari Ohara deadlifts Miroku and puts him in Tomohisa's arms. Tomohisa cradles Miroku lovingly.

"He's beautiful," Tomohisa sobs between happy tears.

Kazuna actually passes out this time. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> also, don't forget to check out my horrible but slowly building collection of ironic b-project memes
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLlsXRu64C_P3FEMQ1wr0rPXCMzBC-fvKq


End file.
